The Song of the Stitches

Sewing, sewing, to and froing
I’m not happy with how I’m going
Trying to make my own face mask
Is surely a godforesaken task
Looking at the government pattern
It may as well be in Latin
‘Masks are mandatory,’ the Premier said
I say, ‘where the hell’s my thread?!’
Cutting up my ageing jeans
Rending old shirts at the seams
Butchering an old shopping bag
Scrounging for a handy rag
Then trying to sew in a straight line
Like they’re body parts and I’m Frankenstein
Still, never fear, come what may
My hideous mask will scare COVID away!