I went to the women’s cricket

With the MCG teeming with fans

But people were already sick

And not everyone washed their hands.

 

I played in a roller derby tournament

Which probably wasn’t so wise

I bashed and pushed other skaters

And I even won a prize

 

Work told me I was no longer welcome

Because I was probably covered in germs

So I went and huddled in my hovel

Another exile from the law firms

 

I forlornly set up a home office

As technology drove me to despair

And I stared at the flickering screen

As my eyes slowly turned square.

 

I had a constant pain in my backside

And a mysterious crick in my neck

I squirmed and stretched and whimpered

As I darned my Ikea desk to heck.

 

I went to Court for a court case

But it had silently been adjourned

I learned to attend Court virtually

Using technology I spurned.

 

I hid my crocheted tree hat rack

So His Honour wouldn’t see my frivolities

As my cat hunted an imaginary mousie

And we discussed the legalities.

 

My boss’ cat attended a hearing

All dressed dourly in grey

And nobody dared to mention

That she had not given her appearance that day.

 

It was so bitterly cold in my unit

And my aging heater started to smoke

I covered myself in blankets

And forlornly sipped on a coke.

 

I’ve been cooking and eating at home more

But only cleaning infrequently

My house-keeping is atrocious

And the cat silently judges me.

 

I live alone in a bubble

With no family or friends allowed to intrude

I asked the cat if at least she loved me

And her answer was really quite rude.

 

I’m normally quite active

I dance and play team sport

But all alone I skated 38 km

Before sunset cut my adventure short.

 

I learned to spin my own yarn

I brushed the dust off my ukulele

I crocheted many a dinosaur

And practised my Danish daily.

 

I’m still stuck working at home

But I hope one day to be free

Because I’m going a little bit strange

And the cat’s thoroughly sick of me.