I woke with a suspicious sniffle

A sure sign of the plague

Such symptoms require testing

No matter how minor or vague

 

I put on my fancy new facemask

And my glasses became misty

So I walked to the clinic without them

So I would be able to see

 

I was ushered into a shipping container

Saw the swab and my anxiety rose

‘Don’t worry’, reassured the nurse

‘It’s like splashing wasabi up your nose’

 

‘Are you able to self-isolate?’

‘Oh, yes’, I said dutifully

And I tramped home through the drizzle

To wait for DHHS to call me

 

The army is flying the samples

From the Victorian hotspots interstate

And until they have been tested

Us poor suspected cases must wait

 

So I sit here in eternal exile

With the sunshine taunting me

And I’m running low on alcohol and nibbles

Which I need desperately.